Tuesday, October 1, 2013

Content to be a Little.Fish?

I am a little fish.

I have been wrestling for years now with some of the dreams, aspirations, vanities, desires, and goals that I have set for myself.

I love to sing & my favorite thing to sing are harmonies in worship songs (anybody want to be the Shane to my Shane?) I have decided that I'm pretty much the mediocre kind of 'good' as a singer.  Good enough to sing solos at church, but not really the recording, performing kind.  And I still to this day wish I could have been BETTER.MORE.

I love to teach.  I was a high school teacher for the International Baccalaureate program in the senior subject of History.  My first year, I tried SO.HARD. but I struggled to just get my students through- they were probably some of the smartest students I had.  And I still to this day wish I could have been, given, done, BETTER.MORE.

I love my kids.  I have 3 little boys, 3 years & under.  It is a crazy thought to realize that in the last 4 years I've birthed 3 babies.  I love staying home with them & serving them with my life.  I have learned more about the Lord, the church, my faith in the nitty gritty than ever before in my life.  I am so grateful for how much I have GROWN becoming a mother- I'm still becoming, I'm still failing.  Striving to be all that I can be fore their good, their growth, their faith, their life.  Graciously, the Lord has blessed me more being a mother than in anything I've ever 'accomplished' though my own works: school, teaching, singing, fitness, beauty, life.  But I know that if I'm faithful to His call, His refinement, I will become BETTER.MORE.

Am I content to be a little fish?

I dreamed of being a women's speaker- who got to sing at the events, at least one song, haha.  I day dream some days of having my own book(s), having a huge following of my blog, reaching MANY. (and having other author friends send me their new books in the mail, that just is so cool).

If the Lord opens a door, in any of those areas, I will be the most surprised.  BUT, I am not going to create doors for myself.


I am grateful for this season of being a homebody with my babies & toddlers & leaning hard into Jesus. I am grateful for sharing my struggles & victories & fears & growth with just a few, in person & on my blog.  What a blessing to have my own words used by our Lord to encourage, to lift, to bring hope??  I am not going to take that for granted.  Thank you Lord for making me- just a little fish - exactly in this place.  I'm here as long as you call me to be Lord.

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