Friday, October 11, 2013

a Little.Fish, all dried up


Why is it so easy to know the good I ought to do but be unable to succeed in doing it?  and then I wallow.  I am undone over my sinful behavior, and I seek forgiveness, I repent!  But do I turn away?  when those old habits die slowly & I stumble again, and again.  I am crying for relief, solace, peace, comfort for my sadness & failure.

overdramatic?  nope, just stuck in my own head.

The only idea I could muster for writing today was the feeling of being all.dried.up.  squeezed out & dehydrated & sucked dry.  I am parched, cracked & needy.

I am waiting for the Lord to wash over me, revive me, refresh me.  This refining fire of motherhood is burning so hot & I feel wrecked.

I step back and tell myself, my kids are not going to be perfect, and neither am I, but I step forward into life & I am still so hurt by their disobedience, embarrassed by their tantrums, angry by their sin against each other.  Their sins are so hard to forgive when they fly in my face & against my directions.

Lord, I need you.  I fall flat on my face.  You forgive my sins against you, and yet I, forgiven much, struggle to forgive.  Lord teach me how to discipline myself & my boys.  How I wish I could 'get it right' but Lord help me to get you.  To find a solution where you are in the middle.  Would you come?


  1. oh this is so true. every bit of it.. this refiners fire of parenthood seriously wrecks me too, in the best way possible.

    1. ah, it is crazy re-reading these. crazy. life flies by these days friend.