Tuesday, October 29, 2013

a Little.Fish. with gifts

I have recently started participating in the Bloom Book Club at (in)courage & their current study is Emily P. Freeman's A Million Little Ways (you can check her out at www.chattingatthesky.com).

This book has come at a really perfect time for me as I have been walking through this idea of being a Little.Fish. & how truly conflicted I am about it.  Whether I feel the desire to become a big fish for my own fame or vanity, & whether or not the Lord really has made me to be anything other than a Little.Fish.

The main idea of the book is that we are all image bearers of the Lord, and therefore, if he created the world full of beauty & living art, then we as his image bearers are art.  He gave us the job to do & we are a reflection of him in all we give of true selves.

I was amazed to see one of my last posts as a topic in the beginning of her book.  She discusses the desires of our hearts & how we fight ourselves.  We wrestle with whether or not a 'gift' is from the Lord, and what he wants to do with it.  I feel that - conflicted with what I know in my heart is a passion of mine & how it brings me great joy, but also pride.

So what was her answer??

The 'gifts' that we have, change with the seasons she says. (!)  We don't have to 'arrive' or 'find' it and from then on be static.  Maybe I can have a different seasons, the Lord can show himself through different 'art' of my own life & what I give away.  The idea is that you must give away what the Lord gives you (=gift) & be brave enough to do it. (!!)

I kind of laugh.  Because I have struggled to be brave in this writing experiment.  I haven't always shared the posts because of how they made me feel exposed, but in truth, they praise God for what he has done!  Past, present, future.  I can be brave & rest in the truth that he may bless this 'gift' for now, but the next may be totally different.

I'm excited to start mentoring & discipling high school girls at our church.  I'm sure that I can either give away myself & bless, or I can be afraid & keep to myself.  The Lord can glorify himself through the small (what seems small to me) & bring joy, healing, wholeness, life.  That.is.gift.

I am looking forward to reading the rest of this book, but more so really being free to live into whatever new season, whatever 'gifts', without wishing I could be living in a different one.

I would love for the Lord to bless me with a 'small' life & be able to give & love & serve those in my community.  If at the end of my days, it could be said of me, I don't think being a Little.Fish. could be considered a regret.

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