For a silly, small example: I'm reading a Kay Arthur study. I've done one before, and really disliked drawing so much in my Bible. I'm not against the idea in general, but I'm not much of a doodler, and 'symbols' are great, if there's one maybe, but not so many! It just upsets my sensibilities, and I.Don't.Want.To.Do.It.
I know- most of you would say, "well then don't! It's no big deal". But I think the attitude is. honestly, I remember being a big.jerk. with my college girlfriends about not wanting to do it, then fussing about it, then complaining about it, and on&on. OH.MY. Isn't it ugly?? Such a small thing that can fill your mind, heart, mouth and continue to speak that negative language to anyone & everyone else.
Maybe I missed out on something the Lord would have shown me? That's probably true. I think if I had been willing, pliable, flexible, and even if I hadn't been perfect with my 'symbols & coloring', I know He would be faithful to me & teach me in the midst of struggle. Do I think you can really 'opt out' of God's will for your life? Nope. not a chance. He still has me in his hands - He is bigger & stronger & wiser & he knows all that is & will be. Can I miss a lesson he's showing me? yup. and I do. Do I always get a second chance? I don't know, but I'm kinda glad to have a good attitude this time around and not revert back to my "My way is better & here's why that way isn't worth my time" attitude.
I know I do this in big things too. I have very little room in my heart for others with whom I disagree on some fundamental issue. Myers Briggs calls me a Judger & it's true. I do it, all the time. But, thankfully, I'm learning how to love people no.matter.their.positions & no.matter.their.ideas. I can show grace, live grace, give grace! Isn't that really, at the root, how to love? To be kind, compassionate, sensitive & graceful to those different from us? Even an 'enemy'?
My rebellious heart - my need to be right - my need to feel smarter, bigger, cooler, prettier - my competitive spirit - IN THE PURSUIT OF MY OWN GLORY is all SIN.
"So the last will be first, and the first will be last."
Lord forgive my self-righteous - my arrogance - my selfishness. Teach me how to lay down my own way & teach me Lord how to be last. Thank you. Your spirit of gentleness, kindness, willingness is truly beautiful.