Monday, October 7, 2013

an ((invisible)) Little.Fish.

There are some days that I feel ((invisible)).  Ironically, doing this writing challenge has both been an incredible encouragement to me personally, and it has been a test of my own 'thin skin' as it were.  I can pretend that I have 'thick skin' but that's just not really true.  My first few days of writing were so exciting!  I looked forward to my titles, what I would say, & thought about it for hours.  and it was read by (for me) a large-ish audience.  I felt so heard!!  and in some ways, like I've already mentioned, it made me wrestle, yet again, with those desires for my own 'fame' & opportunity to achieve something big.  But, it has become harder to find the time to write, harder to think of the next title & topic, and harder as fewer & fewer of my posts get read by anyone besides myself.

A good friend of mine told me, don't write for anyone but you & Jesus.  and I am so thankful for that advice.  (You can check her out at Hazel Hive, she inspires me!)  What does it matter if my audience is small??  Why should I be disappointed or have such feelings of insecurity, inferiority, inadequacy?  Why do I measure my own worth or 'success' by how many people read what I write?  In the end, that's not what really matters at all.

"She gave this name to the Lord who spoke to her: 
"You are the God who sees me," for she said, 
"I have now seen the One who sees me."  Genesis 16:13

Thank you Lord that

"Rejoice in the Lord always.
I will say it again: Rejoice!" Philippians 4:12

Thank you Lord for the opportunity to reflect on you & what you are doing in my life.  May the words of my mouth & the meditations of my heart be pleasing to you (Ps. 19:14).  Lord help me rejoice when my words are read & rejoice when they are not.  Shall I not accept all that comes from your hands??  Is there anything that is outside of your will?  No, nothing!  Lord you are over all & I am in your hands.  Thank you for all you give.  Forgive my vain heart for wanting to be seen.  amen.

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