"How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?"
"For what I am doing, I do not understand;
for I am not practicing what I would like to do, but I am doing the very thing I hate."
My three sons love to wrestle. They would wrestle their daddy for hours, and then ask to wrestle some more. Most of the time, wrestling ends with either some kind of injury, or it ends with one or both of them in trouble for not stopping when they are asked to be all done.
To wrestle is not a bad thing. To struggle against someone or something can be a valuable skill. I want my sons to wrestle against all the things in this life that seek to lead them astray or ask them to compromise. I wrestle, daily. Not with my boys (mommy is exempt), but to do the good I desire. To be the mother I want to be. To show them a love like Christ's, and not fallible, like mine. I desire to do the good, make the best choice. I desire perfection, but I fall so very short.
I sometimes have a hard time setting appropriate expectations. I laugh at myself for thinking that my sons would actually listen & obey without delay. It can be done, but is that how I behaved as a child? (you can ask my momma&daddy) nope. And I was a 'rule follower'. I desired to do all the rules the right way, but I still fell short. Why am I surprised when my sons fall short? Why does it tempt me to anger? That is where I struggle, wrestle. against giving into my sin nature.
I hope to show my sons that even when I lose that fight against my temptation to sin, I can apologize. I can sit with them, and we can pray for forgiveness for each other. We can move through the pain they've caused me, and I've caused them. We can wrestle & the Lord can restore our relationship.
"For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities,
against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms."
Lord never let us give us our struggle. Help us persevere through the temptations. Help us get back up after we fall. Restore our relationships so that we may continue on with our eyes fixed on you. Let us help carry each other's burdens. Help me teach my sons how to wrestle. How to win, how to lose, and how to carry on in the forgiveness the Lord gives. Thank you Lord for your forgiveness. I am forever grateful for you blood on the cross that cleanses me from my sins. Thank you for loving me even when I fall into temptation. Thank you for your Holy Spirit to guide me. Give me wisdom to teach my sons about how to wrestle against the real enemy. Amen.