Wednesday, July 10, 2013

life as we know it.

I had to include this 'throw back' picture of our three.little.fellas.  Life as we know it has been changing unbelievably fast.

If only every day was a day for a dino tatoo, daddy's tie, a goofy 1st birthday hat, and a mother's day balloon.  Every day is a great day for PJs at our house - affectionately referred to as jammas.

This bleary-eyed stage where we fall asleep at 8pm.  Where we run-ragged & burn the candle at both ends.

I stare into this face & hope to remember it with mental clarity as he

Life is just starting to become connected again for us.  We are so happy to have impromptu library dates & lunch.  We live life without much on our calendar.  I know the time will come when we have busy days filled with places to go & things to do.  We are still in our 'home body' phase when each day looks very different for Calvin, who isn't really on much of a schedule yet.

But, when he does sleep the big boys & I play.  I've been given wonderful advice passed down from my grandma Honey through my mother, "If I could do it over again, I'd play more & clean less."  and some days when I'm feeling frustrated with all that isn't done, stopping & playing on the floor for at least 5 minutes does the trick.  reminds me of who I love & who I'm serving with my life.  I want to do it with a cheerful heart.  Be able to diligently focus my energies & not multi-task my life away without knowing what I'm doing at all.

I don't want to be so torn by commitments that I lose sight of my blessings.  I don't want to be so ambitious in my home keeping/home making that I spend more energy & money on the house rather than investing in the people in it & loving them well.

I want to live out grace.  I don't most of the time.  I want to be able to forgive & move past issues without being colored by them, affected by them, or haunted by them anymore.  I want to guard my children passionately but model grace & not harbor bitterness or resentment.  Can it be done?  I know in my own power absolutely not.  I'm not full of grace, but Christ is.  I want to learn how to be able to love people without considering their past actions.

Classic toys.  So many memories can be attached to a person, place or thing.  Jesus was able to free me, to free all of us from our past mistakes, sins, chains.  Do we give that same grace to our kids? husbands? family? friends? acquaintances? strangers?  Could we if we only consider?  Could we avoid the anxiety & stress of certain relationships in our lives by truly forgiving & viewing that person as worthy of our grace & love?

I know it surprises me when I don't. I want to do it & fail.  Even with my own children whom I love fiercely, I see myself holding onto the anger from the dinner-table-food-power-struggle.  I find myself being angry over the don't-wake-the-finally-sleeping-baby incident with the harmonica & fire trucks.  Lord teach me- forgiveness & grace.  first for myself & then for my children. family. friends. strangers.  Don't let me treat someone without your kindness because of past actions & hurts & disagreements.  Teach me how to move out of that pit-in-your-stomach anxiety from interactions in relationships that are strained.  Teach me how to live grace.

Life as we know it.  We are growing, we are all growing.

We only have a 1st trip to Mimi&Granpa's house one time.

We only have a 1st trip to Grammy&Papa's house one time.

Thank you for what you give Lord.  all of it.  You.are.good.