I've known for a long time that I am a personality type who likes control of my own environment. It can be both a strength & a weakness depending on how it is applied. I know it is a strength when it comes to organization, planning, budgeting or other concrete activities. For the most part, I can control the outcomes based on my input. But not with parenting.
I am a hands on momma. I like to protect, and I like to control the environment that my children are in if I can. If I cannot, I choose that environment carefully, and I send them off in the faith that I've made a good choice for their care. We do the same thing for any activity or outing we take with our children, but school is challenging.
At school, I have no control. To illustrate my point, an example: my son played soccer this past Spring, and we discovered he was prone to migrate headaches and vomiting if he became too dehydrated. I realized one hot afternoon that my son was in PE class during a hot portion of the day, outside. I asked him that afternoon when he came out of school red faced & sweating if he was able to stop and have some water. Of course, I sent him in with a note to his coach letting her know he needed to stop & drink. She graciously responded.
The school did a fundraiser where the students run laps to raise donations per lap. My son came home in certainty that he had to complete the 2 mile run in order to 'win'. He wanted to get the prize they were giving away, which was only natural. So we come to watch him run for the event, & he's full on running. I worried, tried to encourage him to stop for water, asked him to take a break, and generally worried that on this hot afternoon my boy would dehydrate & throw up. He ran the whole 2 miles, and he was pleased as punch that he had 'won' the race. Bless him.
Ok, so at this juncture I ask myself these questions: Am I a 'worrier'? Am I overly concerned, even fearful to let my son go, try, and possibly fail? Does my instinct to protect become overbearing? I didn't see many other mommas who looked like they were as concerned as I was about their kids. Am I holding on too tight? ((fighting for control?))
I don't know the answer yet. I'm afraid to let him go, let him get hurt, allow pain or suffering that could have been prevented. I think I need to let go more than I have before. It may be that a running fundraiser in FL Fall 80+ degree weather has pushed me in the direction in need to migrate. I'm not ready to put my trust in his school, his teachers, his gym coach, but I guess I need to try.
Also? My boy really surprised me. He is competitive & strong willed & stubborn & ran two miles!?! I did not know he could do that, and I'm proud to be able to watch it happen.
Lord please give me wisdom. Help me to hold tight & protect when I can, but teach me to give freedom to him, to trust you ultimately for his life. Help me let go of my control when I need to without feeling so helpless. Lord protect my son; keep him safe. Amen.