my.heart.it.burns.for.you

When I was a child, I remember praying for 'the Lord to come into my heart' everytime I had messed up or fallen short.  I thought I needed to ask Him to come, again. and again.  And then at some point I shared that idea, and was guided to the verse Hebrews 13:5 which comes out of Deuteronomy 31:6. The truth in both was that the Lord spoke over Israel, and over us,

"I will never leave you."

I could trust that He would not leave me.  I believed that, and I still do.

I remember another point in my youth, teenage years, when in my prayer life I would often pray, "Lord be with me".  And at some point, I was guided to the idea that it was silly to ask for that, because he said, "I will never leave you."  So why include that in my prayers?  I can be confident that he won't leave, and therefore, he is with me.

But this past Christmas season, this past year, it has dawned on my differently.

After reading The Chronicles of Narnia by C.S. Lewis again as an adult, I saw some truly amazing truths depicted throughout the stories.  One of them was the true wonder, awe, amazement, bewilderment, and terror that filled their hearts when they were able to look at Aslan.  Even when they spoke his name, told his stories, whispered their hope in his coming.  It filled.  

I have always struggled with connecting 'beauty' to the Lord, even I know He is beautiful.  (I understand this is a strange leap, but hang in there.)  I also feel that as I embraced what is feels like to long, to desire, to wait for Aslan to come, I was able to connect that to the Lord.  The heart connection was made, and when I read the last book, The Last Battle by C.S. Lewis, it clicked.

In the last book, the characters are faced with the idea that what if Aslan IS NOT what they think?  They answer one another, 

"What lies before us?  Horrible thoughts arise in my heart.  If we had died before today we should have been happy."

"Yes," said Jewel. "We have lived too long.  The worst thing in the world has come upon us."

Those thoughts arise in my heart some days too.  The enemy tries to whisper to us that our Lord doesn't love us, isn't for us, and isn't with us.  Some days we fight hard against all that we see with our eyes that makes us wonder if the lies are true.  But friends, they.are.not.

The one thing in the world that makes their hearts sing is Aslan.  I wish I could describe to you what a heart stirring feels like, how suddenly it makes sense to long to see Jesus.  How suddenly the beauty of Heaven becomes clearer in a glimpse of the heart & mind & the soul sings.  Oh, how we long to be with you, Lord.  Oh, how my heart it burns for you, Lord.

So I've decided.  Emmanuel, GOD.WITH.US.  I will begin praying for the Lord to be with me in 2015.  Why?  Because my heart longs for Him.  Because it moves me to tears.  Because my.heart.it.burns.  Because isn't the separation from our Lord the one pain that will continue on until we are reunited in Heaven with Him?  So even though I know, I trust, I believe that He.is.with.me and that He.will.never.leave.me, I will be praying.  Oh, that you would be with me.  That you would come.

"They asked each other, "Were not our hearts burning within us as he talked with us on the road and opened the scriptures to us?""

Luke 24:32

Like the lion Aslan, that our hearts would burn, sing, ache, long, and be filled.  Like the lion Aslan, that we would be confident in you.  Confident in your coming, confident in your goodness, confident in your wildness.  Without doubt that you will come.  As a certainty in our uncertain world, that we could behave a little differently. 

That it would make our heart burn & stir & ache within us when we call out to our Lord, who is & was & always will be.  Emmanuel, God with us.  That His presence would always inspire awe & humility & love & our everything.

May the God of the universe be with you as you move into this new year.  May the Lord bless you and keep you.  Make his face to shine upon you and bring you peace.  Amen.

December in Review...

Wow, December.  You were wonderful.  What a lovely time we had celebrating our Lord's birth in a variety of ways.  Our boy James was in his first Christmas program as a shepherd.  Their sweet nativity costumes and songs brought such joy to us, and truly made the season sweeter.

We put our tree up right away after Thanksgiving this year, and started a new tradition with the early Christmas gift of a train for our tree!  James and Hayden both helped decorate the tree this year, but James was still my most enthusiastic helper.  He was mad when it was time to take the decorations down.  I love the feeling you have with all the Christmas decorations too buddy.

 When I got out the Nativity to set up, James was helping me arrange them.  Oh come.  Let us adore Him.

The weather was beautiful this December.  My boys in the picture below were in time out.  And who joined in?  Calvin.  The feeling of having your anger melt away in viewing an act of kindness or love by your child is such a gift.  I was no longer angry with my boys for their bad behavior, but rather moved by the connection between them and the beauty around them.  A single moment that will stick with me.  And? my hubs put in our new side gate, which is awesome.  We now have a functional, easy to use gate! yay!

 My sweet neighbor and I taking our boys to see the Christmas lights at our town hall.  We have made this a tradition now, 2 years running!  One of our last outings before her sweet baby girl was born!

Matt & I bought each other running shoes & signed up for the Gate River Run 2015!  I'm so excited to run this year, and to use my new shoes!  Thanks honey. ;-)

These boys.  I love these sweet, silly faces.  Ice cream date!

Our boys wanted lights this year, and their daddy delivered.  Oh silent night!

These boys.  Making messes - trying to clean them up all by themselves.  'sorry mom!'  The younger ones just wanting to be in James' room while he's at school.  These guys are awesome.

 We made a trip down to Keystone for the 'Walk thru Bethlehem' presentation.  My in-laws helped to create the program, and served there for over 10 years.  Matt and I have been in the program several years, but it had been 2 years since we had been down!  All the boys got to go together to see 'baby Jesus' and be with their Grandparents too!

We celebrated a late 'Thanksgiving' this year with the Proses, and they brought back a 'snowman' from Tennessee where they had been for Thanksgiving.  The boys thought it was really cold!

We were able to visit a few different light shows this year, and one was the 'Safety Town' light show.  The boys also got to see Santa there, so we wore our Christmas pjs.

 It was lovely to get home again and enjoy the fun and excitement of looking forward to Christmas.  The boys really loved the Advent calendar from my Momoo's house this year, and we read from Ann Voskamp's new Christmas Advent book for children, 'The Greatest Gift'.  They really loved the pictures, and counting down the days as we read through each story.

We had to go see our Santa here in town, and the boys got to choose a new ornament for our tree.  Matt's mom&dad gave him an ornament every year, so we are attempting to carry on that tradition.

 We welcomed baby Hattie to the neighborhood this December!!  She is just the sweetest thing.

 This Sunday morning I had three little helpers while I was getting ready.

Matt had an assisstant while he was working.  I had two pretty talented sprinkle helpers when we were decorating sugar cookies for the boys' teachers.  I am so glad we have such sweet helpers.

 One more project was crossed off our list - window seat in our kitchen!

 My Hayden; he is just the goofiest, funniest little guy.  He seems so grown up, and yet so little.  I love his smile, his dimples, sweet brown eyes, and little curls in his hair.  I just adore this guy.

 My sweet hubs also got me some new clothes from Stitch Fix!  I am continuing to be a fan of their styling service.  I would recommend it to anyone who doesn't have the time or energy to shop for themselves.  They really do a great job.  Yay for Fix #6!

We were finally in town to see Santa ride through on the fire truck this year!  I loved the lights, sirens, and seeing the boys' faces was awesome.

James became a fan of Charlie Brown this year, and I love Charlie brown's christmas.  It was really fun to enjoy that together; then we found his tree at the zoo!  I was able to catch this picture of a 'stump' with a new shoot, and it makes me think of the Jesse tree.

 This fella.  I love this age where he gives tight.grip.hugs that hang on your neck.  I love the feeling of his little hands & that he chooses to squeeze.  "I love you a bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck".

Little Calvin was responsible for this bell cookies having a bite taken out!  I couldn't help myself.

We enjoyed having my sister Christina and my parents over for Christmas Eve together.  It was so much fun to be together and enjoy watching 'A Christmas Carol' like we did when I was a kid!  My Mom made our Christmas Eve dinner and brought it up, and the boys were so excited they almost couldn't sleep.  Merry Christmas!

We were able to spend some time at Matt's Nana's house for a big Christmas dinner, and then spend the day with the Proses for another full day of Christmas celebration.  They boys all received matching outfits, so we could all take new pictures!  The boys had the best time.

We rounded out our Christmas celebrations back with the Austins to see our nieces and Aunt Darcy.  I couldn't believe how much the girls have grown, and soon, there won't be very much of a difference between them all!  Aunt Michelle also made the drive down, so we got to see almost our whole family this year.

Christmas just about wore.us.out. but we made one more trip for New Years' Eve to meet the Webb's new little guy, Turner!  We had been waiting to meet this guy, and today was our day.  Thanks for having us Kelly!

My year ended with a sweet 'I love you' note from my James.  What a wonderful year!  Thank you Lord for all you've given us.